Spoiler Alert... I'm Exhausted.

Yes, I’m exhausted.

Now, before I get the well meaning and caring comments that say “it’s important to take a break” or “you can’t be everything for everyone” or “you have to take time to take care of yourself”… first, thank you, and also I know. Discerning with how I’m feeling, what I need, and putting language to what I should do to take care of myself is something I’ve fine tuned over the years and consider a strength of mine.

Like any mom or caregiver who also works full time knows, there are certain things that must continue to happen even when there doesn’t seem to be energy or time for them.

• Dinner has to somehow get on the table.

• Dirty clothes must be washed and put away.

• Bills must be paid and work deadlines must be met.

• Time with family must be spent (and I want it to).

• Emotions and thoughts must be processed through.

Even if we want to cut back or take a break, there are some things that just can't be ignored.

As I figure out how to walk forward in my exhaustion, I just keep thinking about two things - perspective and seasons.

Perspective...

Yes, I have a TON of things on my plate, and all while processing all that grief brings. However, something I learned from my mom is that there is no help in taking on a victim mentality. As she’d always say “it’ll all work out”, and I also fully believe that. Yes, it can be overwhelming especially when I list out all the things I’m handling.

However, that only brings down my hope and my headspace, and doesn’t do anything to help move my responsibilities or my mindset forward. So I refuse to allow stress to enter my body, and instead will tackle one thing at a time knowing that it will all get done.

Francis Chan wrote the following in one of his books...

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control."

Seasons...

My mom often told a story about when us kids were little and she was frustrated that she didn’t have brain space to spend quality time with the Lord. She went to get prayer and the leader told her without skipping a beat, “this is just the season you’re in, you’ll come through it”. There are seasons where things are overloaded and your time isn’t as much as it once was.

Sometimes, yes, that means you need to take a break and take a breath so you’re able to come back swinging. However, sometimes that just means recognizing that this current season is particularly heavy and it won’t last forever.

By doing that, you’re able to give yourself so much more grace and know that there’s nothing wrong with you or what you’re doing if your routines don’t look like what they once did. As my mom always said, “there’s enough time in each day to do the Lord’s will for that day”. You’ll get through it because God is always right there with you.